Where’s Your Home?

“And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Psalm 23. 

It’s about to be that time. I’ve already ceremonially graduated, but still have a second internship and final elective class to wrap up. And then what? I’m trying to figure that out, trying to let God take the reigns, trying to…trying. In the next month I’d love to have a job lined up, something to lean on in the midst of my quarterlife crisis. A term I kid about but really, it’s feeling like that right now. 

Timing.

I’m unsure of it. I’m sure of the fact that this chapter of my life, the “getting your Master’s” chapter, is coming to a close at the end of July, beginning of August. I’m sure that I will be in a friend’s wedding come September 13th. Other than that? 3 months from now, nothing else is very certain. 

Speaking of weddings, until this past year nothing of the sort was on my brain, but now I’m thinking “Hey, Lord, is something about to start or isn’t it? The clock is ticking if it’s going to happen here with whom, because I’m about to leave this town” (another thing that I don’t know for sure).

You see, I’m 24 and have never dated. Which is great, and good, after all, I am the one who prayed earnestly for the first man I date to be the one I marry. I’ve seen way too much heartbreak to wish for anything else. And now a desire for a relationship has filled me that I don’t quite understand. It’s annoying. So there’s that…another piece of the puzzle that I am yet to see jigsaw into place.

Can you feel that? Can you feel it?

Worry.

Usually I just do. I’m a doer. But there’s things now that I can do, and others that are completely out of my control. Whoa. I don’t like that state of being. But worrying when you’ve got the best God out there and the most loving best friend, father, King, fill in the blank…is so ridiculously in vain.

Which is why stumbling upon Psalm 23 this morning worked its magic. No, I do not know where I’m going to be or what I’m going to do or when or how or what my relationship status will be in 3 months. I DON’T KNOW. 

There are places that look like, feel like, taste like, smell like home…but those are just the senses.

What about your heart? My heart is at home always in the presence of my God. It’s that constant, that which doesn’t transition. And in all this uncomfortable unknown, non-affirming silence, I choose to find my peace, my rest, in that unchanging fact.

So, you? Find some lush green pastures and lie down already. It feels so right.

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