No One But Us

God knows

Yes

But no one but us

No one but us

Knows the toll

The taxing

The ache

We’re joyful in our separate spheres

Blessed because we live in favor

Undeserved

If you were to see me smile

Day to day

You wouldn’t know it

That every night

Or nearly every

At least once a day

A multivitamin of tears

A feeling weak

A seeking God and asking

“Why?? Why this way?”

Why this struggle

Why this wait

You had my heart Lord

You had me wholly

Then You shocked my system

Left my knees to knock

I begged you, “I need two years alone with you Lord, I’m not ready to meet him yet, I need more time with you!!!”

And now I’m not sure I can last that long

My heart tied to him

Hand glued to his

Eyes forever locked

No one but us knows

No one

What it is like

To fall in love with a person

Before you’ve met

Well, it sucks. 

Yet it’s completely lovely.

I’ve grown & blossomed as I’ve been broken down.

As tears haven’t ceased, but multiplied.

They’re making fertile ground

Fertile ground

For you to plant a garden.

I don’t understand God’s ways

No

But I know

That I’m ready for us to intersect

The Venn Diagram that is

You and I

No One But Us 

Knows

Darling

Come home.

Advertisements

Waiting.

Patience is something that I’m not very good at. I’m relatively good at a lot of things, creative in different respects. 

But patience? No.

With children, very much so. Unless they’re rude or consistently disobedient, but even then, I can keep a cool head, get my point across, and retain some form of understanding.

But in life? Regarding my future? Regarding knowns stuck in a pool of unknowns? A stagnant pool at that, or so it seems to me, because I am NOT…patient.

Currently, I am in a place where I have no choice. There are things that I have to wait on, things that I cannot pursue, because that is not my place.

Waiting.

Not waiting as in wasting time, but waiting as in waiting for my train to arrive even if it takes more than a year.

I’ve been waiting since July 22nd, 2013…and only the Lord knows when I’ll stop.

Forgive me, I know that I’m being vague, but I don’t feel like spilling any details.

Other than the fact that this has been the most challenging form of waiting that I have ever endured. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually…although it’s beautiful, it has been taxing. Mostly because of what I am waiting for.

Something dear to me. Something that is one of the most significant somethings in my life.

But it’s not yet the Lord’s time. 

And sometimes it hurts.

But I have grown.

And the Lord knows best.

Remember,

The Lord always knows best:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

-Isaiah 55:8-9

And Hold Fast Then.

Image

 

 

I’m beginning to forget you

Piece by piece

Fading into fog

 

I’m going away

Find me somewhere in tomorrow

And hold fast then

 

Find me in fields

On train tracks

In water

 

And hold fast then.

I tend to float

But I want to continue

 

In a billow of your dense clouds

Rain on me, love

Soak me til’ I’m heavy

 

Can’t move

 

Announce yourself

Thunder near.

 

Strike me

Lightning to awaken

Then soft.

 

You are electrifying

With those eyes of yours

 

Hold fast then.

Paralyze me with them.

But this time

 

Don’t let me run away

For I’m always tempted to.

 

But in those cases

I’m not of sound mind

To know what I want

 

Help me remember

That you are unforgettable

My darling

A Letter to My Darling

It will not be long, I promise you. And there are plenty more where this came from.

Some days are harder than most, to not be around you…and today was one of them.

Know that I don’t feel empty without you, I am just aware of something missing…that’s new for me.

I miss you love. The one I haven’t met yet. I miss you. And I was at first hard on myself…

For loving you without any concrete anythings…but this faith has got to be enough.

I know what I know. I know what I was told. And I would be a fool to try and fight against it, no matter how ludicrous it all may seem.

But you know that I’m a fool in my willfulness and therefore have already attempted to reject.

This heart came back to the same place.

Tonight, I left the cinema…and for some reason an ache came out of nowhere.

Not physical, although those are commonplace (I am human, I mean like…)

Rather, that cry for companionship. But not just with anyone, not just for the sake of it.

With you.

You are the only one I want.

Treinta y Cinco. I would wait that long, too.

 

 

Although that would suck.